Step by step.

Where have you walked to today? Did you walk to the car? Did you walk down the road and see a friend.
Where will you be walking to? A day from now, a year and on.
Where did you walk when you were little? To the beach? To the front room? To a friends house?

It occurred to me yesterday, something quite simple. You've probably realised it yourself at some point in your life.

But I am literally walking to my last day on this planet. My last day of life. My life is all the footsteps, either side of the sit downs, I will ever make. We all walk to our very definite future.
Every single step I take, is like one little piece of sand falling into the bottom of the hour glass. Each and every step.

We walk to destinations. We will walk to the finite place of our being.

It's interesting. It's inescapable. My feet are carrying me to the end of my life. I'd never really thought of it as being a destination. I don't even know how I will get there. But I will get there.

I've left a trail of footprints behind me, some I can see still, others are long gone from view and forgotten. With an invisible unforeseeable track ahead of me.

I cannot stop it either. I will walk, regardless if I'm going to fall, regardless of where I'm going. I will walk. It's the inevitable focus of our being. We will all go somewhere.

Even if it's to and from the same place like clockwork. I walk to work and back from work everyday. Each step is one less to the end of me. When I get up from my desk I will continue my march, to my very last step.

I am connected to the beginning and end. A passage, a hallway, with pictures of things and happenings. Such is life.

I suppose it's plainly obvious really. Each thing we do, is one step closer to whatever.

Whatever. I don't know where my feet are going to take me. But, I know where I stand now and perhaps, I should take a moment and sit down. The inevitable of my life will happen. So perhaps I should really make the most of now. This moment and not worry about what place I will go. I am going somewhere, that will be formed of the steps I take now. Maybe I should choose them now, rather than throw my thoughts far to the future, far into the unseeable. I cannot know my last step. I can only choose the ones I'm going to make now.

Step by step. Piece by piece. Letter by, yeah you know. Meh... idiosyncrasies of being me.

I've got a day off tomorrow. I need to take care of my back, it's in a bit of a bad way. So I'll go for a long walk tomorrow. I'll also, soon, be getting back to swimming. Yay... Probably after my holiday.

4 days before I jet off. Can't wait...

I hate titles.

I find it hard to think of one for each post, unless I'm inspired... wee woo...

While my fingers are typing here my eyes are wandering over to the tv set and to the dvd I'm currently watching.

Critters.

I've not seen it in years and I have fond memories of it. I also have 2nd,3rd and 4th movies to watch.

This is my small treat to myself, I buy myself lots of small treats. I s'pose that's cause there ain't much else going on for me. Yet... (sounds more optimistic if you allude to possibles beyond the currently stated, don't it?)

In the movie at the moment it's the two bounty hunters in the ship watching the video about Earth. There about to copy the appearances of the rock stars. Nice effects. It's like their faces are un-melting.

Anyway, lets have a look at me horoscope, I think it's apt at the moment.

What's the point in going all the way to one place, just to turn around and go all the way to somewhere else? Unless, that is, you are making deliveries. Or, perhaps, collecting things. We must be very careful before we ever allow ourselves to conclude that a venture or an expedition has been 'a waste of time'. If we have acquired but one small piece of information, it may all have been worthwhile. Don't focus too hard this weekend on the destination. Try to enjoy the journey.

That's apt, very apt. I have found myself on where I want to go, rather than where I am. I do often wonder what the point is of all this, it does feel like a seemingly pointless back and forth. Maybe there's something other that I'm missing?

Hmm, whatever it is, I'll have to put my eyes more on the ground beneath my feet than the horizon far ahead. The future will come, whatever it holds. So I might as well make the most of now.

Supposed to be asleep.

I've been up for two hours, or at least awake for two hours. I'd have prefered to have been sleeping, but my back is hurting and it's kept me up.

Plus the stress of that stupid 80's hair cut women.

They say one thing, then another. As and when it suits them.

Stinkers. I don't want to work today and I'm hopinh I'll be able to see my line manager. I really don't want this admin post anymore.

Bleurgh.

Lot's of coffee today I think...

Although, on the bright side 4 days work left before holls. Less than a week. Hope it goes quick.

Right, my alarm went off, it's 5:15am and I gotta go to work.

bleurgh.

Xbox.

I took my xbox thoroughly wrapped up with the UPS label on front to Tottenham court road drop in place.

I had a little difficulty finding it at first, it's tucked away in the back end of several shops. I just saw the signs at the back as I was walking by for the second time.

I approached the counter and there were several people gangling about, probably working while I stood and waited. Eventually a guy turned to me and mumbled "I'll be with you in a minute."

I was about to get all cross, but thought 'nah, they've probably had a hard day. Let it fly.'

He finished what he was doing looked at me and said "How can I help you?"

"I've got a package to drop off for UPS." I plonked said package on the desk, he looked at it and his very first word was...

"Xbox?"

I just laughed.

"That's the 10th one this week" he said.

"I've only had the bloody thing two weeks" I replied.

I wish I'd have asked him now if he'd had many ps3's come through. I guess he'd have said none.

Microsoft, Microsoft Microsoft... you hurt me at work and you hurt me at play...

Uurrghghurggh...

Yeah... That's how I feel right now.

I've gotta get off my jacksie in a minute and drop off my xbox to ups so it can begin it's journey to be fixed. Still can't believe I only had it 10 ish days before it died. That has to be the worst record ever for a piece of hardware.

I had an ok-ish day at work. We have that lady back who used to do the admin before I arrived on the scene. She must have gotten off to 4 wrong foots with me this morning. She's a nice person, she was just frantic with worry and shooting bullets off all over the place.

"You haven't printed them out yet!?!" She insisted at me, having only been sat there 60 seconds and still waiting for the piece of cr*p that is the computer to boot up.

I sat there and raised my hackles "I'm still waiting for the computer..."

Then there was another few things she went on about, but I think I've blocked them from my mind.

Trying to get the paperwork done with her was a nightmare. She seemed oblivious to the most obvious things and would speak in terrible generalities.

"Have you finished them yet?" She asks.

"Finished what yet?" Thinking of the three possible parts that that could refer to.

No answer.

"Finished what yet?" I asked again. I then trailed off into my "'Rrrr...' aggravated I'm going to sit by this computer and get very shirty with you now" mind set.

In any case, as far as I know, we got all we needed done. I think...

I had to laugh this morning as they weer trying to find the keys for the wallbox, which holds all the other keys. Including the ones for the safe which hold the keys for the cash office, which we need. Great.

The new section manager from another shop and herself, 4 foots wrong lady, were trying to find out where the keys were for the wallbox. They did scramble about the place in a frantic worry. It resulted in our 80's haircut boss being disturbed in bed at 6:15am and she'd gotten to bed at 2am. So that came round to bite me in the arse.

"I'm very disappointed with you Red Robin."

"Well, as I understood it, I'm not supposed to hold keys to that box." I replied. "The managers and shift leaders are the ones who do."

"Yes, but the white Russian holds a key so you should have done a clean swap over. This is very disappointing"

... and blah blah blah. I really don't care. Too many rules and too much bureaucratic mumbo jumbo.

Looking forward to my holiday. On the 6th. Should've booked it so I skipped the Monday. That's going to be the real hell to pay day. It really will be. It's the day with the most things to change within admin.

Bleh!

I need to do something else within the shop.

By the way.

It's finally happened, well, gradually. I now go to bed when it's still light and wake up when it's light. I no longer see stary skys.

Not that I could really see that many stars here in London in the first place.

Nice day.

I know I had a nice day, because work flow by very quickly.
I didn't even notice it.

I have to talk about how I currently feel, because I'm all excited now. The big kid in me wants to play and I must indulge.

1. Holiday soon. Yay! A week today. I'll be at the airport for about 5pm. All ready for the flight at about 8pm.

Cannot wait.

2. Xbox will be fixed soon enough. Phew, although it's a bit rubbish the way it only lasted ten days before the red ring of death showed up.

3. That touch screen stuff got under my bonnet. The future's gonna be so cool.

4. I'm making money and I will be travelling or doing something fantastic with my life in under a couple of years.

5. I might start swimming again. I've missed it and am looking foward to getting back into the groove. Better yet, the pools a minutes walk from work. Swimming after work, it's like I used to do in China.

6. Well, I'm just all excited generally. Had a good day. Things are far from perfect, but things will change and move on.

So, now to take a deep breath.... annddd... relax.

Mmm... I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Microsoft surface.

I'm not a huge fan of ms most of the time, but, I will give them this. They have the clout to do some pretty amazing things.

Also check out this link.

Give it five years or so and these things will be common place. The future's gonna be nuts. Can't wait!

Bored.

Nobody needs to tell you, but you know. Suddenly, something changes and you just know that A will lead to B.

Like me now. Very bored. Xbox broke and there ain't flip all to do around this place. I feel like I've lost my mojo. Yeah baby.
I'm not saying that the xbox is my mojo, I just have little else to well up from the depths of my life at the moment.

I've given myself two years of making dosh, then I'm allowed to run amuck on planet Earth. Two years... a long time to do a 2 to 6am job. Wonder what next?

I'm very much aware that my life is going to change in big ways in the near future. Not the kind of from me changes, but rather those inevitable changes from life external. I will have to adapt. I will have to work. I will need to make money. Have a direction and purpose, something I want. 'Want' being very important, without that, you're just kinda wafting.

I'm stagnant water at the moment, I even smell a bit like stagnant water at the moment. Still no hot water, although I did wash down my smellier bits this morning before I headed out into the outside world that is London Town.

Oh yeah, no sooner had I mentioned that the weather was nice in my post this morning than the sky opened up and poured like you'd never seen before. There was also hail. I had my clothes on, shoes and bag at the ready and looked out the window. Bleurgh!

So I had to wait till that let up. I have no rain coat or brolly. I should at least buy a brolly.

Blimey I'm bored. I'm looking forward to a few days in Eire with me mate. He's actually here at the moment, he's not called, he said he would, but then he always says that. Such are his idiosyncrasies.

Urggghhhh....

What to do with my body? Something constructive I think...

Horoscope, from Jonathan Cainer.

A very fine astrologer indeed.

Is a new day really dawning? Well, why should it not be? Does not the sun rise afresh every morning? We take this for granted, not least because it happens whilst most of us are still asleep. If we could only perceive it for the miracle it truly is, we would wake from our slumbers in a state of divine rapture and inspired appreciation day after day, after day. A new day can dawn for you now. All you have to do to help that happen is to focus on what you feel grateful for, not what you resent.

Yeah. That's a nice one.

It's a bit of negative word to end on "resent", but like what he interprets from the stars say "what you feel grateful for". Indeed.

Quite a lot in my life.

It's also a sunny day.

Now to phone up the xbox customer support and use my manufactures guarantee. Valid for one year from day of purchase enabling free reapairs or replacement for the hardware. Which I forget about sometimes as I don't usually buy that much new hardware.

Now I've got everything I need, apart from the receipt. Ah! Where the heck did I put it? Did I chuck it in the bin? I really hope not...

Better start looking.

Before I go to bed.

Soon, so very soon...

The Xbox 360.

I'm English, if I spend most of my time doing anything on a cold wet windy day. It's playing on my lovely Xbox 360. Pretty much like any 30-ish year old male in England would do.
Yes, when the weather is absolute pants and I'm stuck for something to do, the xbox is a saving grace. It really really is.

I love my xbox, why just this morning I was thrashing the pants off of several Americans during a first person shooter. The name of which I can't remember. It's not important. I was having a grand old time unleashing hordes of death to my cousins across the pond.

In fact I'm really looking forward to joining forces with my mate in Ireland and wrecking some havoc in a virtual world at some point in the near future.

So, onto my conversational topic of the moment.

My Xbox 360 just upped and topped itself.

I was in the middle of playing the demo for Splinter cell and I reached a critical checkpoint.

The console froze.

So I waited...

... and waited...

... and waited...

Nothing.

I turned it off and turned it back on. Oh dear, I thought to myself noticing that the circle of light was now a doomly red colour. I knew instinctivly that something was horribly horribly wrong. We English 30 something males have that ability. Having been born around the time of the first immerging consoles.

It's in our blood.

So, I sit upstairs now. In my very cold room, wearing more clothes than I care to. Smelling like a yaks arse having not washed since Saturday (Thank you burst heating pipe). Needing very much to do something with my time on this somewhat shabby dull depressingly cold and bleak day.

I knew when I got my xbox, that that little sound, that tiny little "eeh eek" sound it made on occasion was a horrible portent of things to come.

I knew it.

In fact, it's quite probably karma, I did after all kill my original xbox and leave it in Italy. Perhaps it's spirit was out for revenge. If so, boy has it got it.

Cold, bored and smelly. That sums me up right now.

Meh.

I'll have to get it to the repair guys...

The weather.

I'm English, if I spend my time speaking about anything, ever, it's about the weather. Much like any English person.

When I'm stuck for conversation, I talk about the weather.

It's the basis for pretty much any conversation starter in this country. It'll get a mention at some point during a chin wag.

So, on to my conversational piece for today.

The heatings bust. A heating pipe burst, one of the main pipes gthat feed our estate in little ol' London town.
I found out before anyone else did. I even got to use the very last of the "hot" water when I showed at 5:15am before going to work.

Guess when it decided to burst. On a warm bright sunny day, Fabulous. No trouble I thought.

The very next day. Cold, wet and windy. As it's been and remained for the last few days. Just when some heating would have been welcomed in this now very cold house.

Meh. I also need a shower. Meh. I'll brave it later...

To express.

Is what I feel the need for at the moment. In fact, perhaps to turn inward and listen to myself. Feel my heart beat. Observe the seasons within myself.

I've another two days off. I'm going to relax and do nothing. I absorb quite a lot of crud. I also feel that I am unaware of this as well. Which is both good and bad.

So, a little rest is what I need. But only a little. Soon again my life will belong to another purpose beyond my control. My zombie life.

A zombie life. Hmm. Thankfully all is change and is ever changing.

One foot follows the other. One word after another, a sequence not making sense until you reach that full stop.

Lets see.