That little ray of sunshine.

What a nice day. At work anyway. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Smoothly it went by. Very smoothly.
I could have been working in another place altogether.

Also, as a wee teeny tiny bonus to my life, a little itty bitty. The Transformers movie, which I've been going on about forever and ever will be showing TOMORROW at the cinema next to work. I will be going. I've heard it's excellent from many different sources. Which makes me grin from ear to ear.

I have waited for MONTHS and MONTHS. I can't remember being this excited about a film. It's probably nothing to most other people, but I cannot wait.

Ever since I was five and Transformers the cartoon aired, I've wanted this film to be made. I may not have known it, but it was a must. Thank you Mr Spielberg and anyone else who made this possible.

It's the little five year olds dream, that one nestled deep within me. That little timeless piece of me.

Finally, finally, finally. Phew. Made it. I'm not going to explode or go pop!

I can scarcely remember back to the point I discovered that they were going to make the film. Probably about a year and a half ago.

So, this week, despite it's 'bleurgh' start, is going a little bit better for me. Hopefully the trend will continue... I would like an upturn in the books.

Anyway, literally 23 hours and52 minutes before I will be watching Transformers.

You can tell I'm just a little bit excited about this film.

Pipe Tobacco.

I've read this gentlemens blog for a few years now, it was one of my first that I discovered when I originally started blogging. Or rather, he discovered me and invited me over to read. Which I did and have been doing ever since.

I just read his most recent post and it had me nodding my head in complete understanding.

"I find myself now, without a goal, without a purpose." Is something he wrote and I really feel that myself.

I can understand why so many people now, who have apparently achieved so much in their life can suddenly, I'll pick my words carefully, lack a feeling for anything anymore. The reason, the impetus is gone.

There is no answer to the question "why?" As I wrote of in an earlier post of mine.

The fulfilment of the goals set and then the accomplishment steels the wind from our sails. When you've fulfilled all purposes, what other point is there?

Like he says, he can do "scuba diving, or sky diving, but why? To what purpose?" I nod my head with empathy.

Without an answer, life is like a game you see no point in playing. You can pick up the cards and particpate, but it's hollow, false, simply going through the motions. Without a reason, without something to accomplish it can be very hard.

I take a little comfort knowing that I am not alone in this. Though I do wish that no one would have to be in this state.

I do hope, that soon, a reason for me and those who need one, will make it's way back into our lives.

Urgh...

I hate not having my own space. I also really hate it when someone doesn't ask, doesn't consult with you, but is quite happy to decide that you will do "such and such" because they wish it.

I live with this particular person. To reason with them is almost beyond possible.

They've made their assumptions about what they think. Leaving you and the reality of the situation way out of it. It annoys and angers me to distraction.

It was the first thing that confronted me when I came back in the door. There is no space for me. I have no place that I feel I can unwind and let go. I'm under pressure at work and at "home", it doesn't really feel like a home to me anyway. A place I reside at other times.

You know, when I was younger I often felt at home. I now realise that this depends on your physical circumstances. If you've got that space to call your own, no trouble. But how do you physically acquire such a space? Unless you have the means to do so, it ain't happening.

So, for me, right now, it ain't gonna happen at all. I'm stuck between a rock and hard place, the frying pan or the fire.

I thought I'd get some space this weekend, my one off. Unfortunately it isn't going to happen. I'm off work, fabby, but I have other burdens thrust upon me beyond my choice or control.

I hate it.

I hate getting older, everything is taking on a more real bleak look. My youthful ignorant understanding of the world is fast disappearing up the arse of 'how things really are', not what I think.

I'm this close to going out and finding my own place. Which will mean less money, less savings and less freedom with my future. But, it's the trade off with living with others and saving cash.

I have so little I want. I piddle along in my life not doing very much at all at the moment. It's quite hard.

Not so speak that EVEYTHING is bad. Just the stuff that's happening right here and now. The stuff I can't escape from. All I can do is write about it.

I still hold hope, nothing remains forever the same. Nothing, which makes me much happier.

Anyway, back to my uncomfortable space beyond my choosing.

Where headed?

Probably a very common question people ask themselves. I'm asking myself that on a daily basis. Especially now as my life lacks that special something to keep me going.

I really only have the Transformers movie to look forward to at the moment. A fairly devoid life of anything concerning real "happy making" substance. Something fullfilling would be great. To keep me ticking over untill tomorrow.

I hate this "modern" world. This over crowded place. Well, it is in my book. We really do not need this many people farting about the place. 6 billion or more is just a bit too much for my liking.

I'd love some forest to be walking around in. Some trees to sit under, without a person to come on by. It would be nice.

I wouldn't have to worry about where I was headed. I would be. Like the animals in the wood. Living, playing, eating and sleeping. Maybe the occasional roll around in something nasty. As they do.

But I'm lockd into the human race. Emphasis on the race.
Stuck in London, with far too many people. Feeling quite lonely. Funny thing that, the more people, the more isolated you feel. Bizare.

Anyway, long ramble short. I still need some purpose, or fun in my life.

Meh...