The longest possible time before more work.

And I might just be going nuts.

Constraints! Argh!

I'm feeling the need to break out. I am feeling terribly unfulfilled at the moment. Life has taken on the "new guy gets all the crap chucked at him" shade of grey.

Maybe I'll attack some glove puppets or something, maybe even go extreme and attack a muppet. Nah, I like muppets, they sound like strumpets.

I am a little bit bored. Have you also ever written another word instead of the one you were going to becuase you couldn't rememeber how to spell it?

I feel I need some guidence from the sky. Time for a horoscope... from Jonathan Cainer, my favourite astrologer, and probab;y one of the few worth reading.

"The Week Ahead: Imagine being starving hungry. Now imagine being offered a choice. A gigantic candy bar? Or a nutritious, delicious meal? There is just one catch. The good food won't be ready for a while - and you'll have to travel much further to get it. And remember, it is a choice. One or the other. Now, what are you going to go for? Hmmm, I wonder. Some easy options are hard to resist. Worse, once we get into the habit of taking them, we find ourselves forgetting all about the better solutions. It won't be easy to do what's right this week, but it will be possible. It will also, once you fully commit to your brave choice, be deeply rewarding."

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. Why does that seem to make so much sense to me right now. Because I'm hungry for something fun. I'm hungry for life to hold more than just doo. I could probably try for quick fixes.
But I should probably hold out for much more. Nuts.

Why can't the quick fix, be the good fix for a change? Grumble...

I always think back to the matrix when neo wakes up in the train station and talks to the guy there. When they discuss karma.
I wonder what my karma has in store? If it even works that way. Heck, I dunno.

I've got a bad back and I have to take it easy this weekend.

Which means doing much of very little. Again.

Apart from waiting for work to roll round again and me to repeat the same exact sequence of things I did before.

Bleurghurle wurgle. Bleh...

Still, I have my plans. Which will soon move into practical reality. The first step to doing a little more with my time. Toward being better off financially. To being freer, in the ways I want to be. As none of us are ever truly free.

Anyway. I think I'll fart about te internet a bit more then pop down the road for fish and chips. I feel like it. Comfort food. Tomorrow I'll make a soup, or maybe not. Considering the number that'll do on my behind. It ain't good to go through work like that either. Man, that first day was a tough day.

Anyway. Too much rubbish have I written out now. Time to get back to whatever it is to be ne again...

A slight sway.

My working patterns will be a little bit different this weekend.

I will be working from 3pm to 11pm on Saturday. On Sunday I will be working from 7am to 11pm. God knows how I'll get to South London on time for that.
It'll be a night bus I imagine, unless the trains are running at stupid o'clock.

But I do not care about that. I will get to relax a bit tomorrow morning early afternoon-ish. I still gotta travel an hour. An hour that will soon be non existent. Thanks to my move closer to home.

Right at the moment though, I really feel left out. Like I'm missing out on stuff. I find it very difficult to shake that ~urgh~ feeling. I suppose though, some of that will change for me soon. Not a lot of it, but some of it.

I hope so. I feel like I've been waiting around for a frickin long time for some bus out in the pouring rain. With the only thing to see are all the other people going past having a great old time.

But that's probably just the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.

I should be pleased. I've started off this year EXACTLY how I wanted to. It's laying the foundation for a stronger future. That I'm pleased for.

I suppose I just miss the past I'd lived. It was fantastic. I was very lucky to have such a great experience teaching abroad in China. So lucky.

but once you taste that good life, the very good life, money, time, women, friends, fun, excitement and exploration. It's really hard to go back. Really hard.
I want that again. I want adventure, excitement, women, more adventure, money. I want it all back.

I will, but not right now. I've got to deal with this, I can't change it. It's with me for a while.

Time for a horoscope I think... from Jonathan Cainer.

Welcome to Planet Earth. Home of six billion crazy people all of whom are desperately pretending to be sane. Home of politicians who think they know what's wrong with the world and how to change it when, actually, they have not got the first clue. Home of people who preach forgiveness and practise hate. Home of alleged experts who know next to nothing. Home of hypocrites. Yet home, too, of true saints and real, wonderful souls. Relax, this weekend, and embrace what you cannot change.

Nail on the head.

Night, I'm going to watch some south park and forget my life. I want to cast my mind far far away from the boringness of it at this moment in time.

Ciao.

The future.

It's the only destination I've ever been headed too. The only one I've longed to see and am seeing on the way. I often wondered what my life would be like in 2000 I think lots of us did. I know now, what it was like and how much has changed. I remember writing down the new years, during the 80's, in my school books imagining what the year would hold.

I could never had foreseen all the things that would happen to me. Never had known the places I'd travel to, the challenges I'd over come, how much I would change.

As much as I sit here now, that is pretty much all still true, this new year is still very young, I wonder a lot about the future. I read all the new scientific developments, electronic devices getting smaller, the very real possibility of being able to travel to outer space. All these things.

I feel in pace with my life, I feel that I'm going as I'm meant to. That all that needs to happen will happen for me. Even during the surprises.

I'm excited, I still have my childlike enthusiasm, I've never lost it, I never want to. It keeps me young. It keeps me going, it's what has held me up my whole life. I've taken the time to nurture it and let it grow within me.

Change is the only eternal constant. I have no idea what this is all about, but I look forward to finding out one day. Maybe it's all just some simulation in some computer game being played away in another time and place. Who can say?

So, I wonder what tomorrow brings, what next week brings, what next month will bring. I cannot wait to find out.
I do feel that sometimes I'm just going round in circles, but like I said last time, at least I'm being loaded up with more and more information round each pass. Although, where before, I often had a hard time of it, or things never seemed to go right for me. I've got to keep my chin up. This time is different, this year is different. I don't know if you feel that too. But this one feels good. I wonder if that's a common thought?

Anyway, I'm just mumbling on again, my little bit of hopefull wanderlust.

I want a good future. I will make it that way.

Juggling stuff.

There are many plans I have and many things I want to do. But for the love of trying to work them into a regular job, with regular working working hours is going to be very hard if not impossible for me.

Something I haven't fancied considering. I've got my heart set on so much, that right now, I cannot see if I will be able to fulfill half of my dreams if any at the moment.

While I have this job, I very much doubt time or energy for anything else. This year coming may be a case of work work work, save save save and then after a year do something.

I really and sincerely don't want to be boxed in to this life. This necessary evil I must do.

Those of you who have read me from years past know I hate work. Really don't like it.

I'd be better off being rich, but that's never going to happen. I an hear a lot of people saying the same thing though.
If I were, I'd travel, study, visit with friends far and wide, give help to people when they need it. I'd probably even offer free English lessons to people that need it.

Anyway, that's dream, I have reality. I'm fortunate to have a job, very fortunate. I don't believe that these things happen without reason. I like to feel that in some small way, there's a purpose and direction to things.

I hope it's true of now. Being back in full time work is really taking some getting used to on my part.

Anyway, it's probably karma, so I'll honer that and do my best in what I've been given and hopefully, with a little time, things will change and I'll be able to follow some of these dreams.

Sun rise, sun set.

In fact, my worries about work, were unfounded. If anything, I think the fact I get on well with all the other people at the shop does me credit. My recent fopah with the manager seems to have vanished completely.

Phew!

So that little stress is dealt with.

So I can free myself up to worry about other things again. I'm a worrier at heart, I do best when I'm kept busy or have company to engage in. If not, my mind goes off on one.
Although, recently, the last few days, I've noted in myself yearnings for far away places again. But I'd rather not go it alone. I also don't know if that'll be happening any time soon. Maybe within a year. I have to wait and see.

It depends on work really and what I decide to do during the time that I make money.

If they offer me full time employment after my temporary contract finishes I may well decide to take it. I need the money. Hopefully, within a year, I'll have saved quite a bit of cash. Maybe a few things in life will have altered by then too. Enabling me to do other things.

You know what I really want right now. To go out and live on an island. Or a load of islands. Out where the weather is beautiful. An island lifestyle. Yeah, sitting on the beach and watching the stars. That's something I really want to do now.

I'm thinking of a short break to Italy in Febuary next year all things allowing. I want to go and stay in a b&b and relax by the lakeside drinking espressos, eating great Italian food and buying Italian made clothing. I always said whilst living there, that if ever I need clothes, I'll buy them in Italy. So it will be with a large empty suitcase I go there. I will stay a week to ten days and really relax and enjoy. I'd also like to go and see a friend of mine there.

So, as you can gather, I'm in the mood for more than current things allow. I need to experience so much more than I am at the moment. I'm a bit starved of my freedoms.

God, how I miss being rich. It's a good life, it beats being poor. You can do a heck of a lot of things.