Sunday.

I should really not blog after I've been on the sauce. I should probably refrain from any internet activities whilst under the influence.

Gurgh!

Anyway, the past is still the past, what I had, is now well and truly gone. As it should be. The sun set on one day and has risen on the next.

It's a very final act to walk out a door for the last time. It comes more to my mind now having had one big closures to parts of my life that were completely different from the one I have here.
That very moment the door shuts behind you, the rooms, people, smells, textures all become an instant memory. No big send off, no special thing. It's kind of hollow, like a bubble that's burst.

I don't know quite how to sum up at the moment as I feel about it.

I looked forward to that moment, where I knew that I would never have to walk back those steps. See those things. Go through that journey again.

It's gone. It was, never to be again.

So, where now? I know the answer to that, mostly.

I know the things I'm going to do. Or, better written, I know the things I've planned to do. You can get in your car and say I'm going to drive to that place over there. But real living is in the experience, not that bit of fluff which circles round your head. Those loose fitting ideas.

I'm waiting in anticipation for how that road is going to feel. How it will unfold. All those unknowable ups and downs on the journey ahead.

It's all good. I also want to get out and about before the day gets to far ahead. I want to buy this weeks New Scientist. I need to buy a great load of vegatables, because my bowel movements (sorry) have been anything but pleasent the last few weeks. My schedule as it was, didn't allow for great eating habits. I wish to rectify that.

So a vegi soup is the plan for the day.

Ciao a tutti. I need to find a really good book to learn Italian with, or at least to keep me ticking over. Same with Chinese.

101, again.

I had written something before this but saved it as a draft. So I suppose this is really the 102nd post on this blog.

This is about the 10628th day of my life. If I've worked that out properly. My clock says 00:00 which means it's midnight now and I should probably be getting to bed soon.
As I'm trying to get my body clock shifted for an earlier start to the day. I'll need to be out of bed by 5:15am in a couple of weeks. Not too bad. I'll apprecaite the weekend lay-ins again though.

I'll vastly appreciate the small sacrifice for having an earlier finish to the day.

Soon, very soon, I'll be able to get the life and plans I've made, under way. I can't wait.
I'm thankful for it as well. Very thankful. I got exactly what I wanted. Which is rare in my books. Probably because I had a plan? I'm not sure.
I've always said we rarely, if ever, get what we want and always what we need.

So it's odd. But then, today is today and what came before has ended. The roads can't be as they were, the path is different and the time is different.
Which is all good.

Tomorrow more work. Starting at 1pm. I cannot wait till I look at my watch in a couple of weeks and think as I'm walking home, that I'd have been at work for only an hour a day before. Brilliant.

I'll have to make new acquaintances and friends, but such is life. I'll also have to impress new people and they have high expectations of me as the others have said how good I am.

Bum. I hate that. "He's brilliant" They say. Yeah, now I've got to live up to what they imagine is brilliant and strive, strive, strive, again...

~sigh~

Hopefully their easy to impress, we all have our own ideas of what good is. Don't we.

But, deep down I feel good about it all. Despite the ever present shady bits.You only get shade because of the light. So it's all good.

I'm looking forward to getting underway again.

Right, bed time. I need to sleep slightly earlier than I am now, I'll be getting up at the crack of dawn soon...

Zzz Zzz Zzz...

Snow day.

It's snowed!!!

I'll be out getting pictures of it. I will put them up much later on, when I'm back from work. Although, maybe just one now...



However, I will only be at this work for two more weeks. I'm still wondering about the decision on should I have changed or not. But, for the plans that I made last year, I will not be able to achieve them if I stay.

I also have to ask the question where do I see myself in 5 to 10 years time. Will I still be sat in the shop serving people and answering the question "Do you have any humus?"

Woopty doo.

No, I need to strive out for more, I do not want to sit on my laurels waiting for whatever. The future is very much what you make it.
The short will mean adjustment, it will mean a loss. I'll have to get used to new faces again. I hope this lot of people are all good with one another. If not, I suppose I'll just get on with it.

My horoscope from Jonathan Cainer is dead on right this morning too.

Have a read.

Once we had a handful of stations to choose from on our radio. Now, thanks to cable, satellite and digital internet transmission, there are thousands. There may even, one day, be millions. So much choice. How can you know what you want to hear, when you cannot possibly have time to sample all the alternatives? Today, you need to ask yourself a question about all that is familiar to you. Are you really happy with it? If so, there is no need to change. If not, what harm can it do to look around?

Well, to answer those questions.

Am I really happy with it? Yes, although I'm not happy about the time or the 960 quid ( which I just worked out) it will cost me for the years worth of travel. By crikey that's a lot of wonga.

Also just under one month in the year will have been spent sitting on a tube train. If I lived nearer there it would have been better. But alas, fate would have it another way.

so, yes, I am happy in many ways, and not happy in others. I cannot strive onward just working down there. As much as I like the staff, they really are a golden bunch.

Although that's probably going to be my trade off. Hopefully, I can forge ahead and make better of this year now I'll be saving 960 pounds!!! And saving one month of time this year.

Although, another astrologer in the London Light said, that I wont regret making the choice to move away from familiar surroundings.

So I'll take heart. Wonder whether or not I made the right decision, but then probably reach the conclusion that I can make it better for myself, simply by trying.

Here's to finding out...

Hmm...

When will you arrive at the best possible moment? When will you have the perfect opportunity? When will you know without doubt, that you are doing the right thing for the right reason in the right way? Never! If you ever do experience such confidence, you should mistrust it. It is probably born of euphoria, not wisdom. Always, there will be an argument in favour and an argument against. Always, there will be an element of risk. Today's risk, though, is one that is worth taking.

I hope so.

Thank you Jonathan Cainer. That's as spot on as can be.
I really have to do what I have to do.

I didn't sleep too well last night. I hope I sleep better this time round. Although I had some weird dreams and a wake you up shocking scary dream, which involved me stepping on the back of a womens shoe.

Can't imagine why that would prove to be scary, but that's the subconscious for you I 'spose.

Right, bed time...

The future.

It's the only destination I've ever been headed too. The only one I've longed to see and am seeing on the way. I often wondered what my life would be like in 2000 I think lots of us did. I know now, what it was like and how much has changed. I remember writing down the new years, during the 80's, in my school books imagining what the year would hold.

I could never had foreseen all the things that would happen to me. Never had known the places I'd travel to, the challenges I'd over come, how much I would change.

As much as I sit here now, that is pretty much all still true, this new year is still very young, I wonder a lot about the future. I read all the new scientific developments, electronic devices getting smaller, the very real possibility of being able to travel to outer space. All these things.

I feel in pace with my life, I feel that I'm going as I'm meant to. That all that needs to happen will happen for me. Even during the surprises.

I'm excited, I still have my childlike enthusiasm, I've never lost it, I never want to. It keeps me young. It keeps me going, it's what has held me up my whole life. I've taken the time to nurture it and let it grow within me.

Change is the only eternal constant. I have no idea what this is all about, but I look forward to finding out one day. Maybe it's all just some simulation in some computer game being played away in another time and place. Who can say?

So, I wonder what tomorrow brings, what next week brings, what next month will bring. I cannot wait to find out.
I do feel that sometimes I'm just going round in circles, but like I said last time, at least I'm being loaded up with more and more information round each pass. Although, where before, I often had a hard time of it, or things never seemed to go right for me. I've got to keep my chin up. This time is different, this year is different. I don't know if you feel that too. But this one feels good. I wonder if that's a common thought?

Anyway, I'm just mumbling on again, my little bit of hopefull wanderlust.

I want a good future. I will make it that way.