May I have a moan?

I don't really want to. But you're really the only person who'll listen, or at least stop by and read. So if you don't fancy reading me moan, by all means ignore the rest of this post.

I don't really want to. I want to talk and chat about all those fantastic and fun things that are happening. But there aren't really many to chat about. My life at the moment entails me, going to work, coming home and sitting in front of a computer screen.

It reminds me of a song my Irish mate played to me written by an Irishman about the Irish who lived and worked in London. One of the phrases in it was "London, no ones home", something like that anyway. It does feel like that sometimes.
In many ways London is a fantastic place to live. In many ways it isn't. It would be best for those coming to visit because there is just so much to do. Provided you've got the time the money and the mates to do it with. Everything is so expensive. Everyone is always working. The only time anyone goes out is for big social occasions. Nothing really casual.

So at the moment, I'm lucky to go out and see friends once a week, if that. London is quite a lonely place for me at the moment. Quite a lonely large city.

I'm also annoyed because they've declined my first week that I wanted to have off in june. When I wanted to go to Ireland and see my mate, Which means, I have the rest of this month to book the last 1.2 weeks (whatever the hell point two of a week is) of my holiday. Otherwise it'll be assigned, or worst of the worst, I'll lose it. It happened to one of the girls at the shop already. They seem quite happy to keep you in work and give you the pay for that holiday week extra at the end of a working month. Bless 'em. It's all very well and nice getting extra cash, but I need time off. It's good for the old mind. Good for your health.

I'm just so angry at the moment. So feckin cheesed off. All of this would be eons easier to deal with if I had some pleasure in my life. At the moment I get by by going to the movies once in a while and meeting my friend one a month down the pub.

Spartan is my existence at the moment. Very bear. Very holed.

Meh.

I keep thinking about this horoscope from Jonathan Cainer today.

'That was then, this is now.' Repeat those words at regular intervals throughout the day please. The past is a quagmire, into which you will sink if you place so much as one footstep there. Leave it alone. Just because a particular precedent has been set, you are not obliged to spend the rest of your life adhering to this pattern. The braver, the more honest, the more open and above board your plan now is, the more likely you are to experience immediate impressive success with it!

That was then, this is now. I'm finding it very hard to raise my head above the "bleurgh" level. Quite hard indeed.

That was then, this is now, that was then, this is now...

Didn't want to moan, but there's little else to do right at the mo. As soon as the good stuff comes I'll be writing all about it.

Anyway...

Day off tomorrow. A little 'yay!'. What'll I do? Dunno, not much to do.

That was then, this is now. I must lift my spirits.

Meh.

Less than grumpy.

2 days before sunday, the day of rest.

Which reminds me, I don't have that many days left to book a months worth of holiday for the rest of the year. Turd hole.
What demonic evil horror made that a rule. What nastiness. "It's hardly fair" The new admin lady said to me the other day.

Hardly fair is a very light way of putting it.

Well, I can't change it. I have to make the best of it. So it looks to be my first week of holiday will be in June. Which is when I will go to Ireland and stay with my friend. Haven't seen the old chap for a while now.

But I must must get my holiday booking form completed qand handed in and approved. Otherwise I might not get that time off.
So I'd better decide when I want to have my holidays now. I have 4 weeks to play with. Which I've just rememberd is working days, equaling five not seven as I just had in my head. Although I imagine my two days off per week would balance off five days to seven anyway. I'll have to ask. Which is hard as that shop is quite manic.
It's very small so there's always something going on. Always, you don't stop. Just those thirty minutes for lunch. Nice in some ways, but it's not easy to find out stuff should you want to know.

Anyway... enough of lavoro. I do not want to talk about those 5 of seven days in the week.

On to my moustache. Indeedy!

I decide the other day that I would try out a handlebar moustache. It's not quite a goatee and not quite a moustache. But it suits my face I'm pleased to say. So does being a skin head.
The "han-bar-tash" (As I've decided to shorten it to) is still pretty short and needs a bit of growing in, so slowly but surely. Soon I should have a nice fluffy thing dangling from my face. I love hair, you can keep it, style it, dye it, braid it, shave it off and the stuff grows back! Amazing.
Provided you aren't going bald like myself that is.

Well. On to the rest of my day and finding those little things to be pleased of. I might have a sit and listen to the birds this afternoon.

Ciao a tutti.

Raging on.

I was a little aggravated today. Just a little. My Russian companion was having a laugh, and in all honesty, I too participate in these shenanigans. I don't mind the laugh, but I do mind it when it involves the work you need to do.

She's started to keep certain things to herself without explaining them to me, for the laugh. Which to say is quite a "grrr" moment for me, as I need to know these things to do the job. But, I really think if I'm being grown up about it, that this would partly stem from me too. In the way that I handle the situation. We both kind of goad each other on.

I know why I do it as well, because I'm bored. My soul is restless, it needs something more. Fulfilment, that currently alludes me.

Something that really has taken a back seat to earning a wage and saving cash. So can I really blame my situation on the old paper chase? (Paper chase means making money, but you probably got that one, 'cause you're smart.)

There are the other usual work related "grrs" during the day between people. But that's all life I suppose.

Actually, I have to consider my relationship to all these "troubles" I'm having at the moment. It's probably more a reflection of the current me, than anything else. I need to balance myself out. Become more measured. True that I'm struggling with my want for more, but I need to find that deeper part of me. The part that can ease me through all this. Take me where I need to go.
I've set myself up for some interesting times ahead though. I said "yes", to something just to say yes. I didn't even really have a reason. So in about a month or two, I'll be trying to do some more stand up. I've done 5 gigs before, they were kind of ok. Some worse than others. But I've had time to reflect on the experience and I feel I can take another step out there, into the void...

Hopefully I can make a proper go of it and find my much needed "soulfood".

Anyway, off that topic I want to have a rabbit with me mate. (That means, for the guys across the pond "I want to have a chat with my friend") It's been a while. I also want ot find out what his plans are, as he lives in Ireland and I need to plan a trip out there to see himself again.

Which means booking a holiday and I have to book all four weeks, before the end of this month or they will get allocated for me. Nuts. That's also a big kick in the nads, but, there we go.

Right, back to "wilfing" on the net. I do a lot of that nowadays...

Here's to more fun in the future.

Transfer.

Really really tired. But it's oh so nice to be home by 2:30pm in the afternoon. Oh so nice, I feel like I've got a whole day ahead of me. Bliss.

Even if it does feel strane being out of work this time. A part of me keeps looking around and thinking "Should I really be off work now?"

Another part of me says "Who the heck cares! I'm already off when normally I'd have just started and been serving customers about now..."

It is wonderful.

Even if I only slept for about 3 hours last night. I kept thinking I've gotta be up by 5:15am, which kept me awake thinking I wouldn't have enough sleep.

Which is what happened. So I'm a bit wishy washy this avo. But no problem, I'm not working, I'm chilling at home. Mmm... so nice to be home.

I lay in bed, looked at the time this morning, it said 5:10am. I got immediately, had a quick shower got dressed and left the house. Before I knew it I was under way with the day and before I knew it, it was all over. It is so nice. Being made even nicer because I'm used to working late. It's not even 3pm yet!

Anyway, there's a couple of things I need to sort out soon. That's my holiday. Which I'd nearly forgotten about today. But I'm no rush to take it just yet. If I wait till Aprill my mate in Ireland will be able to get holiday time off too. So we'l be able to have a nice relaxing x-box 360 session. Mmm... I haven't played a console in ages.

It's an important part for my being able to unwind and relax now. Being that I was the generation that was born into some of the very first consoles. I remember the old table tennis game with the two paddles. I remember the shoddy twirly silver nob controller. I recall spending much time playing against my dad and brother. Great days. Now even better, thanks to improved technology.

Right, now I'm going to take it easy because I'm really quite tired and just amble around for this afternoon.

Monday morn, yet again.

Round and round and round those wheels turn. I get a bit dizzy from it all sometimes.

Back to blerk today, but only two days, then I'm off. Also, my mate will be coming soon to London. As he told me on the phone yesterday. I hadn't had a chat with the old boy in quite sometime. We had a good old chin wag.

He's not actually getting any time off work as such. "I'm chucking a sickie, I'm gonna tell them I've put my back out".

He'd also been drinking heavily a week ago, and was quite ill on Monday when he went in for work.

"Why don't you take a sick day?" All his colleagues were saying.

I laughed. "Isn't it typical, as soon as you chuck a sickie, you actually get sick."

"Sorry mate, I can't" I could imagine him saying "My backs going to be put out in a couple of weeks"

We were in stitches. I lok forward to seeing the old boy again.
Also, on the case of Irealnd, I'll be going there to visit him as well. I emailed my Italian mate in Italy, but she hasn't replied and as I don't want to flip about there all on my own. I'll use my holiday time to see my friend.

I have ten days. I might have a look for flights now actually and see if I can get them on the cheap whilst it's early. I wont be going until mid march thereabouts. But I have to chuck with my inline manager if that'll be ok. Which I'm sure it will, he's such an easy going person. For numerous reasons, which I may or may not divulge here...

My girlfriend from China will be coming toward the end of April now too. When she comes, I doubt very much I'll have any holiday. So I'll do just what my mate did and chuck a sickie. Touch wood, I don't actually get sick before then. That would be a bummer.

My ear syringing appointment is for next week Wednesday. Not as soon as I'd hoped, which means on friday this week, I'll start using the olive oil ear drops to soften the wax that the doctor prescribed.

I think it worked too well last time, or I mushed it up. My right ear rings louder than it did before and it's constant now since I last applied them. So I hope the syringing gets rid of all the clog and the ringing at the same time. As the stuff is probably just resting against the ear drum.

I cannot wait. Hearing back to normal. no more EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

Anyway, I'm cautiously optimistic for the future. I don't know if I'll get work closer to home just yet, I don't know if my Chinese girlfriend will be able to stay over here and study in the future, I don't know if I'll ever make something of my little plan to start teaching English privately.

But, the possibilites are there. We'll see... How much is life willing to allow for.

Ciao a tutti.