Urgh...

I hate not having my own space. I also really hate it when someone doesn't ask, doesn't consult with you, but is quite happy to decide that you will do "such and such" because they wish it.

I live with this particular person. To reason with them is almost beyond possible.

They've made their assumptions about what they think. Leaving you and the reality of the situation way out of it. It annoys and angers me to distraction.

It was the first thing that confronted me when I came back in the door. There is no space for me. I have no place that I feel I can unwind and let go. I'm under pressure at work and at "home", it doesn't really feel like a home to me anyway. A place I reside at other times.

You know, when I was younger I often felt at home. I now realise that this depends on your physical circumstances. If you've got that space to call your own, no trouble. But how do you physically acquire such a space? Unless you have the means to do so, it ain't happening.

So, for me, right now, it ain't gonna happen at all. I'm stuck between a rock and hard place, the frying pan or the fire.

I thought I'd get some space this weekend, my one off. Unfortunately it isn't going to happen. I'm off work, fabby, but I have other burdens thrust upon me beyond my choice or control.

I hate it.

I hate getting older, everything is taking on a more real bleak look. My youthful ignorant understanding of the world is fast disappearing up the arse of 'how things really are', not what I think.

I'm this close to going out and finding my own place. Which will mean less money, less savings and less freedom with my future. But, it's the trade off with living with others and saving cash.

I have so little I want. I piddle along in my life not doing very much at all at the moment. It's quite hard.

Not so speak that EVEYTHING is bad. Just the stuff that's happening right here and now. The stuff I can't escape from. All I can do is write about it.

I still hold hope, nothing remains forever the same. Nothing, which makes me much happier.

Anyway, back to my uncomfortable space beyond my choosing.