I feel like being quiet.

I have recently, a part of me feels quite loud another bit of me is sitting very still and being quite quiet.

I don't know quite why? Although perhaps I do.

It was interesting this morning, I wont go into the details of what I was doing, it's not important, but it involved the use of my left and right hand.
I was doing two things at once, I found it very difficult to split the task between both hands. But, as soon as I switched my hands over, from my left to my right, I noted something I didn't expect. My right hand utilised more ingenuity with my neck and shoulder as an extra grasper.

Something that didn't happen with my left hand, worked in my right. It was like a part of my brain that was more developed, the part being dedicated to that hand, was better able to deal with the task than the other.

It was interesting. I wonder what my left hand would make of some stuff and my right the same...

In any case, that little quiet bit of me is a bit like my other hand. I don't know quite what it's doing or what it will do, until something occurs or changes.

Strange.

I also feel very distant from many things right now. People, especially. I also want to be distant. I've not been able to have five minutes to myself for a week or so now and I need it. I need my space. To clear my mind, so I can be me. I find it hard to be me with other people around.

In some ways I'm quite happy, although a large portion of my life is empty. I kinda wish I had some idea of where I was headed. What I want from my life at the moment. I have little things, but no large ones.

I've also been thinking about relationships a lot recently. I wonder if I'll ever be cut out for a long term one. I'm very independent. Not in an isolationist way, but I like my space.

I think of myself with another and as much as my heart so yearns it, another part of me really doesn't want to sacrifice that space. That being the part that has slightly more dominance.

There's also "the shadows in my mind" as I like to refer to them. Those thoughts of mine that are less than optomistic. The ones that look on the more negative side of life. They work without my knowing, until I see the contrast in light of day. It's almost like a part of me lies to myself.

Odd.

But these are just afew of my perceptions today. As I sit here, watching myself.