Several things to get off my chest.

Although, as I sit here slouched on the sofa with the computer on my lap, there not too whopping, shall I say.

Firstly, I am going out tonight, I will be seeing some stand up comedy with a mate of mine. Part of the comedy-course I signed up for. I'm looking forward to being out and about.
However, I really don't feel like dong the course. I don't want to stand up in front a of a load of people and put myself on show. There's a small part of me that would love to be out there doing that. But, deep in me, I've got a large reserve. Whether it's because I've simply not had my toes in the water for quite sometime, I don't know. I'm just not up for it right now. I've got that feeling like I've agreed myself into a corner.

See how I feel about it on Monday.

Secondly, I'm bunking off work tomorrow. Shouldn't do it, but my reason is this. I will be seeing off my old flame back to China. She leaves at 4pm tomorrow and I want to be there. We were close again while she was here. If only for the shortest of times. Distance doesn't make it easy. I would have been happy to give it a go with her.
We've spoken about her coming back. Why her, and not me going there?

I really do not want to work in China again. That was one of the most stressful things I have ever done. I also need to make some money. I have nothing to my name and I sorely need to have a large financial cushion under my bum. I don't believe I can do myself any favours or anyone that is with me if I have nothing. I'll also make more money here. So...

I made the decision to stick this out and I have to. I really need to see where things go.

The weather's also manky and horrible today, and been so for the last few days. I miss the sunshine, it'll be nice when it's back.

I really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. It'll be another stereotypically sad fairwell in the rain. I'm not keen on living sterotypes. I'm really not.

So I feel uneasy today, the lady leaves tomorrow, that makes me feel very sad. I'm bunking off work, I really don't want to because it means lying and I'm not really good for that at the moment. Hey ho. I've got this comedy course I'm feeling half hearted about, a bit of me's there, but which bit? Is it a true, deep honest to me bit, or just a fancy?