I feel good today.

I think, in some small ways, I'm really beginning to appreciate being put under pressure. It's these times that I see myself, or at least that bit of me that I keep tucked up and hidden. My weaker parts. When their exposed and roughed about, it really does bother me. But it's only then that I can see it for what it is. Analyse and understand it.

While I sit here, my mind is wondering. I've been drifting off into space with those words above sat here.

It's occurred to me that I will never meet most of all the people in the world. I will live out my entire life only ever having met, maybe a thousand people. If that. Getting to know only a few so well. I have a few friends that I have known now for more than 5 years. To hold such a view so limited in scope and to wonder the wider world and all those that live and breath. The ones who also call this place home. It's a strange thought.

I will never know all the people that live now. I will never know what they think, feel, talk about. Nothing, not one thing.

Anyway, back to my post and from my mental wanderings and wondering.

I feel peaceful today. Very peaceful, I'm definitely in touch with my deeper self right now.
I spent the last few night having real trouble falling asleep. I would jolt awake every time my eyes grow heavy keeping me awake. Fortunately I've suffered with this panic disorder so long now that I can keep myself in check. It never gets control of me any more, not in the way that it used to. It used to be so hard to deal with. Time makes it easier.

Back I'm as content as can be at the moment. It's peaceful in the house, which is wonderful.

I bought another bird feeder the other day. They have three in the garden now. It's really nice to sit by the back door quietly and still just watching the wee fathered ones come and go.
Then there's the pigeons who come by when the other birds are there. They've learnt that whilst they can't get to the seed in the bird feeder, they can get the seed that's knocked out by the other birds. They walk around underneath as they feed. It's an interesting sight.

Anyway, I've got my mind set on writing some more posts about the aspects of my work days.