D'oh!

Around the first of the month, whilst at blerk (work) business was the main conversational topic for a brief moment.

"Red Robin, you have to go to a meeting on the 23rd." The white Russian told me a few weeks ago.

"Oh, what about?" I asked.

"It's a once monthly meeting to discuss the administration at the shop. You get marked green for good, red for bad."

"Hm, sounds simple enough" I said feeling rather apprehensive about it. I'm not a huge fan of meetings.

Fast forward to today.

"Red Robin, you know about the something something something meeting today, don't you?"

"Yes" I replied, really having wanted it to be swept under the carpet and forgotten about.

I knew I had to leave at 12, I knew I would have to find the place. Which I did, just in the nick of time.

It wasn't that hard to get to from where I was.

I walked into the shop and signed in as a guest, I was then free to move around. I had with me my backpack with the black file holding all the paperwork the White Russian gave me. I knew nothing much of what was in it though. Just rubbish old paperwork.

I was shown upstairs to where the gentlemen I was supposed to meet was. I peered through the window and saw him, not what I'd expected, going on what everyone had been describing him as. I opened the door and walked in.

"Hello, how was your journey?" He asked.

"Oh, it was alright, just came straight up from blah blah"

He turned to his computer screen and said "Right, do you have the EJ sheets?"

I just looked at him and suddenly felt like Homer Simpson when he's sitting down being asked some questions.

'Uh oh, something was said, not sure what it was, wait, no one's speaking better say something fast'

"Er, which file would they be with?" I had to ask. Not having a clue what he was on about. The training I've had does not cover any of this fancy lingo.

He just looked at me and I not really being able to articulate myself any better than Homer. I started fumbling through the various files within the folder and decided to just take them all out. I felt a bit of a nonse sat there.

He gave up on me and wait for the paperwork that I'd spread out before us. He grabbed a file and opened it up. He looked through it. "Where's the blah blah?" He asked.

'uh oh, he's talking more, I really wish I hadn't drunk all that tea earlier. Ohhh, what time is it now, I've still gotta stay here. I'm hungry, man I wish I had a burger round about now. Mm, nice juicy burger.'

I really didn't know what the hell he was on about. I also started to get a little angry with the white Russian. Why would she have dumped this on me, when quite clearly she knew what was involved and knew I didn't know anything about it at all.

The lady in the office before I left has said "That's not on really, she shouldn't be sending you out. She's had the training, you don't know what anything is."

How right she was. I can only imagine the hell that awaits me tomorrow. Plus the figures didn't balance today.

sigh...

I can only hope to pull a Homer-esque performance and save my skin through sheer ineptitude.

Or grin and bear it. I've got three days off soon... Yay... Then a holiday... yay... Then more blerk... neigh....

Night.

Tired.

I have no energy today, I just want to lay down and sleep. Although I'd rather not do that on my precious day off work. Especially when it's this sunny today.

I was drifting off on the tube ride home today. I'd decided that I needed some exercise and so walked from my house to oxford street. About 6 miles in all. I'm not quite as fit as I used to be though. It wore me out, whereas before it never did and that was the full 12 mile round trip, unlike today.

I finally got round to buying 2 albums from 'TV on the Radio'. Well worth it. I've not had new music for some time.

Hmm, I've also done something I really wish I hadn't done now. I broke the one rule I really wanted to keep, but in a brief fit of crazywazyness I've given out the url for this blog to a few people. There's one who has it that I really don't mind having it at all. There are others though, I kind of wish didn't know about this. I'd succomed to a brief lapse in myself. Now I'm feeling that I might have clipped my wings slightly, I can't quite write about all that I want to now in the way that I want to. This should have stayed private.

Che sucede, sucede.

I am really tired, my eyes feel heavy, my body is heavy and I've no will or get up and go. I could lie down and sleep. I think an early night is in store for me.

But, as I mentioned yesterday evening I've got three days off and a weeks holiday coming up. A little respite from blerk (work).

I'm also quite bored at the moment. It's nice to have Tuesday off, but no one else does. So on my own I am. I also have to share the living space with my mum. Who doesn't mean to, but usually drives me round the bend.
I really need my own place, I really cannot afford my own place. I'll probably end up buying property in Bulgaria or some other place. As homes there can go for about 10 grand. Which, I could afford in a few years or so. Do it up, flog it for more buy another and so on. Climb the ladder. However, I'm sure that would be hard work in itself and am a long way off from even looking at spending that type of money on something that far away. Italy would be nice, but so many flippin English people (before you go nuts, I am English so can say so) are buying stuff and pushing the prices higher.

Darn them.

I feel stuck in a box at the moment. I have no way out that I can see. Ah well...

Time passes and I get a little older...

... and balder.

Horoscope, from Jonathan Cainer.

"Next time you go on eBay, try running a search for sackcloths and ashes. You won't find many for sale. Nobody is wearing them anymore. They are so out of fashion that there is not even a second-hand market. 'Guilt, darling, how very 20th century. We don't do that sort of thing anymore.' Actually, we do. We do far too much of it. The world would be a better place with a little less self-flagellation and a little more constructive action. Forget your worries and regrets now. Just be glad of what's possible."

Yeah...

There's plenty of time. Also, on another note, I might get back round to writing again, I've been sparten to these pages recently. There's also a few things to get off my chest.

On a positive note before I dash to bed, I'll have three days off of work starting the end of saturday afternoon. Yep THREE whole days.

I've already worked the two compulsary bank holidays for the year. So I don't have to do the third. Yay!

I sorely need a rest. I have to get myself back, I've been running on low.

Beddy bye time now.

Night.

Saying goodbye.

I woke up today at 5:10am I immediately felt a twinge of guilt knowing full well I was going to skip work to see my lady in Cambridge.
My plan was to call in sick, after planting a couple of "I don't feel to wells" to a couple of staff. I believe I'll get away with it. Probably not twice though. Although I wont need to do it again. My reasons, as I'm sure you're aware, were a one off.

I fell asleep briefly after, I woke, but I'd set my alarm to get me up for 6:10am. I'd promised my lady I'd be at Cambridge as early as possible. I arrived at about 8:50, she was going to meet me there, at the train station when I arrived. I'd missed her at first, I had to sue the loo. I got outside and she appeared behind me.

I turned and smiled "Hi..."

She smiled back "Hey, why did you miss me? I waited for you outside the toilet."

I looked at her and said "Sorry, I didn't catch you. I didn't see that you were outside."

I reached out my hand and held hers, she was cold to the touch. "Hao ma" I asked. I'm alright she said.

"What did you do yesterday, how was the club?" I carried on.

"I went to the club two days ago" She said, quite annoyed that I didn't remember. "It was alright, I drank 6 bottles of after shock and a one pan"

"A pan?" I asked.

"Yeah, I drank one pan of beer" She replied.

"What's a pan?" I asked her, not really sure what she was on about.

"It was that word you taught me the other day at the pub." She said to me.

"Oh, a pint" I clarified for her.

"Yeah, I drank 6 bottles of after shock and a pint", she carried on. "Nice" I said, "Jiu ren".

She just smiled back saying "I had a good time".

"I'm pleased" She's young and wants to have fun, I thought, fair enough.

We walked up the road toward the town centre away from the station. We stopped at a place called "tatties". We had some tea between the two of us. I hadn't had breakfast and ordered a fry-up. The guy behind the counter was from Poland. I said to him while paying for my breakfast "Gene dobrei" he looked and smiled back, "Everyone knows at least one word in Polish" he said.

I sat back down with the lady and she began to tell me everything that happened to her.

"When I wake up in the morning I open the curtains wide. I love it here in the morning." She told me, watching me fork another mouthful of beans and bacon into my mouth. "What are those birds called "Blue titties?" She asked.

I nearly choked on my food. Laughing I said "Blue titties! hahaha... No, they're called blue tits" I looked at her and in a hushed voice with a bite of sausage on the end of my fork said "Titties are these" as I discretely pointed them out for her.

"Oh..." She said. I laughed, but she didn't really appreciate it.

When we were done there she wanted to head out and buy some stuff for her friends and family. As is ever the problem, you're restricted to where you are and what shops are there. So it can be hard to buy things for others.

"What can I buy for my dad?" She asked while the sky decided to allow a little rain to fall.

"I'm not sure" I replied, "what things does he like?".

"He likes kitchen stuff" We walked into the shopping centre as the rain decided to get a little heavier. She saw a picture shop with various things. From movie stars to wall hangings. She picked out one that had some red flowers on it. Then looked at another, she asked me which one I prefered. I told her the red one, she agreed.

"It's to remind my dad of me" she said.

She paid for the picture while I looked at some badges with slogans on them.

'Boss', 'Who's your daddy', 'Students do it better' were some of them.

I noted, a banjo playing 'Kermit the Frog' in a cabinet and some 'betty boop' figures as well. As she walked over and held my hand. She led me out.

We ambled round the shops looking for various things. We popped into an Oxfam shop, which brought back a lot of old memories. As I'd been a volunteer at one for about 7 years. She was looking for a book to buy her friend. But wasn't sure of what to buy for her.

"What's a good book?" She asked, "Not fiction though".

I wasn't sure, because the only thing that I've read recently is Harry Potter, with that I replied "It would really depend on the person. I couldn't say for sure to be honest".

She browsed around a while longer and eventually found a couple of worthy candidates, I didn't take an interest in what though, I was looking for fairtrade chocolate eggs. Yum.

To be continued... (because it was a long day)

Awful weather.

It is abismal outside. Rain, lightening and thunder. I am going no where.
So I suppose I'm quite lucky I decided to buy myself an xbox yesterday, right after I got back to London.

It has proved to be a much needed distraction. Or I'd be sat inside, staring at the glum weather and feeling very blue indeed.

I'm writing a full last day with the lady, all the ups and downs of it. It's nice to have somewhere to put the emotion and not just letting it sit on me.

Anyway, I'm going back to distracting myself.

Not here no more.

I look around and it's only me. It's going to be a while before I'm back up and running proper.

I miss her.

I hate this feeling.

I have to get this off my chest to feel a little better...

How many times in the last three years have I felt this way right now. More than I care for.

I am sad.

I'll write more later, I have a lot to write about, but I need a little time. I have a heavy empty heart at the moment.

I hate goodbye. The worst of times this is right now.

I need time.